Customs Around Marriage in the Shona Culture

It has been so interesting to learn about the numerous differences between what I know from "The West" and the Shona culture.  These differences are so important for me to take into consideration when counseling with students.

It is customary for young ladies to be married by the time they are 25, and marriage is almost a requirement in this culture.  From the time girls are very young they are taught and groomed to know everything about keeping up a home, taking care of children, and keeping their husband happy, as well as tending a large garden and often walking many miles to sell excess produce in the market!  I really admire these women ~~ they are such hard workers.

I know you have seen pictures of these women with heavy loads on their head ~~ sometimes many kgs of potatoes or wood for cooking.  In addition to what's on their head, they may also be carrying a small child on their back, and have parcels in each hand!!  Just try carrying even something light on your head and see how you manage; or tie a small child or baby on your back and spend the day cleaning the house!!!

It is the custom in many African countries for parents to arrange partners for their children, though this is changing as young people want to make their own choice!  Even in Christian families, a labola is paid by the future husband to the future bride's family ~~ this is usually negotiated between the families and can be anything from cash to goats to a herd of cows!

When a young man and young lady know that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, the girl will go to one of her mother's sisters (an aunt) and share the news.  The sister in turn shares the information with the girl's mother and family.  Then the boy goes to one of his uncles.  The negotiating for the labola is done at a gathering of the whole extended family, usually between the uncles on each side.

Once the labola is paid the couple are free to live together, sometimes in the home of the boy's parents, depending on the circumstances.

Step two would be going to the Court House and having the relationship legalized in the courts.

And finally, sometimes years and several children later (!), there will be a very large church wedding!!  The entire community is invited, so families have to save for a long time to provide the necessary food for such an occasion.

 I'm told that often the attendants at the wedding will be chosen mostly for how well they can dance, as opposed to how close they might be to the bride or groom!!  This wedding I attended last year was very large (the daughter of an AU grad who is a pastor).  Most weddings begin at 9:00 am and the ceremony itself can be quite long.  Then everyone moves to a "fellowship hall" or a nearby school auditorium for the rest of the day ~~ for the eats and the dancing!!  These young people were very skilled, and it was clear that they had practiced the routines many times!!  The bride and groom joined them on this very hot day!!

      The bride and groom are seated on the stage after some dancing, awaiting the cutting of the cake.  Then those remaining were invited to get up and dance, too.  Not very different from our wedding receptions.
     A bit later a group of young people appeared just below the stage dressed in rags with goofy hats, torn jeans, patched shirts, etc.  It took me a while to realize that these were the same dancers I had seen before in their wedding attire!!  And they were still extremely good!!!

Recently I attended a portion of the wedding of a nephew of one of our staff.  The ceremony was actually a part of the Sunday morning worship!  It began at 9:00 am; I arrived about 10:30, in time to recognize the Scripture reading, and sermon (all in Shona) and the offering.  Then the wedding ceremony continued with the pledges by each family, the lighting of candles (similar to our unity candle), and much cheering and shouting!  Since I didn't understand it all, I don't know exactly what was going on.

A big feast was then enjoyed by all in the church social hall, accompanied by dancing, dancing, and more dancing!!

May they live happily ever after!!!